tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859813015148359812024-03-12T20:23:53.747-07:00Missing Children MinnesotaMissing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-59518345439080194072016-09-04T10:25:00.001-07:002016-09-04T10:25:30.262-07:00Jacob Wetterling found: A Word about the word "closure"
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">With the announcement that Jacob Wetterling has been found
deceased, and authorities led to the remains by a suspect in the case, we have
already heard the word “closure” used quite a bit. Some families of long-term
missing and murdered persons have voiced discomfort with the way that this word
is used, as it sometimes seems to convey a set of expectations about the
family’s response to knowing what happened to their loved one.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">“Closure” only means that the ambiguity of not knowing what
happened to your loved one is ended. Closure says nothing about whether or not
a person is prepared for the ending of the ambiguity. It doesn’t say anything
about the possibility that the ambiguity allowed for a person to cling to the
idea of a different possible outcome, and there might be severe grief when that
ambiguity is removed and replaced with certainty.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">Popular use of the word “closure” can imply that the end of
ambiguity is the end of the story. And for some of the helpers in missing
person’s cases, that is true. The job of the investigators and the searchers is
to find out what happened to the loved one. To remove ambiguity and provide certainty,
and give the prosecutors what they need to pursue justice. When they give the
family “closure”, they should feel a sense of completion.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">But we have heard from other families who have gone through
similar circumstances, popular use of the word “closure” can be a huge burden.
When someone says the word “closure” to them, it can convey a sense that the
speaker believes that they should now feel complete. Anyone who has lost a
loved one can tell you that you do not feel complete the moment you learn a
loved one is deceased.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">Every individual and family is unique, and processes grief,
fear, sorrow differently. Every individual releases hope for a reunion in this
life differently, and the hope for reunion in a future life may be a comfort or
may not, depending on the individual</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">Executive Director Teresa Lhotka says,</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 13px 58px 11px;">
<i><span style="color: #5a5a5a; font-family: calibri;">“When Jacob was kidnapped, Minnesotans reached out and took
him into their hearts. In a way, he became everyone’s child, and in a way his
story and his family’s story became everyone’s story. It’s important right now
to remember who this story really belongs to, and to let them own it. Let’s
give this family space and peace and quiet from the outside, and take a breath.
As a public, we want to make meaning out of this. However, let’s remember that
Jacob belongs first and foremost to his family. Let’s take a step back and wait
before we speak, especially let’s wait before we claim ‘closure’ for them,
whatever our understanding of the word.”</span></i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 13px;">
<span style="font-family: calibri;">Jacob’s family has a long road ahead of them. There is a lot
more that they are going to face going forward, and much of it will need to be
in the public eye. As much as we the public feel like we need to know what
happened, and want to see justice done, let’s remember to make space for this
family and to support them by waiting until they speak, and listening and
responding to what they say. Let’s be very careful, in this time when they need
privacy, to not write their script for them.</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-80669407643627411272016-02-25T13:10:00.001-08:002016-02-25T13:14:59.205-08:00Safe Harbor Navigators - an important resource<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Does this sound like a child you know?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Chronic running away</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Chronically truant</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Lots of cash or valuable items, with no explanation
where it/they came from</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Marked emotional changes; fear, anxiety,
depression, submissiveness, evasiveness.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Prepaid phone, or gift of a phone from someone
who has no business giving them a phone.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Owning a fake ID</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Possession of hotel key cards</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Another person who seems controlling,
domineering, stalking or ever-present. May be a boyfriend, but is not necessarily
a male person. May or may not be older/adult; but is certainly in control of
the child.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Sexually explicit or suggestive profiles or posts
on social media</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Frequent, unexplained bruises or injuries.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">These are just a few of the things that we have heard in
trainings that might indicate that a child is being groomed for trafficking, or
being trafficked. This is by no means a complete list, but when we see these
things (or other things that just don’t seem right), we refer the family to
the Safe Harbor Navigator in their area.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Experts in the area of child trafficking, these Regional
Navigators are a valuable resource for our children, families and communities.
They connect and coordinate services for sexually exploited youth.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Navigators can also often find services for people with
organizations that have special connection to cultural and linguistic
communities around the state.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">If you believe that your child is being trafficked, or is
being groomed for trafficking, you can consult a regional navigator for help.
These organizations can help families with assessment and to connect to
services that will help.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://www.health.state.mn.us/injury/topic/safeharbor/navigators.html"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">http://www.health.state.mn.us/injury/topic/safeharbor/navigators.html</span></a></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-4877054914863385902016-01-08T14:20:00.001-08:002016-01-10T08:56:24.078-08:00"What Can I Do"?<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Normally, we like to talk about the things that you can do
to keep the children in your life safer and more resilient. We really enjoy
empowering parents in ways that are pro-active and preventative. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But sometimes we need to talk about ways that we can empower
parents who are in the middle of the worst experience of their lives, and need
help.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The parents of chronic run-aways have few options and very
few allies in keeping their children at home. They often face a public that is
apathetic about the risks to the runaway, and who tend to judge the parents of
runaways harshly. They also often have to deal with other adults in the child’s
life who actively undermine their authority, lure and encourage the children
into running, and alienate them from their parent rather than encouraging a
healthy reunification. They face police whose hands are tied as far as what
they can do to remedy the situation. And this is all on top of whatever
difficulties are presented by their jobs (or the loss of their job due to
dealing with a child in crisis), the need to care for their other children, and
the need to simply keep the fundamentals of life moving in the right direction.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They have to hear their family derided as “most likely
abusive or neglectful”. They have to hear their child referred to as a “Juvenile
Delinquent” (as one mom told me “If only my child WAS a delinquent! They could lock her up and make her take her
meds!”).</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like all things, how much you invest in helping is up to
you.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let’s start small:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can
help families of chronic run-aways by not minimizing their circumstances.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
A child is missing if the person who is responsible for their safety does not
know where they are. Missing children are presumed to be in danger, because
they are not where those charged with their safety can watch over, protect, and
guide them. It is really helpful for parents to know that others share their
concern for their child.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can
recognize that yes, good kids from good families run away from home</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">.
Kids run from problems that they don’t know how to solve, and sometimes they
have a hard time believing that even the most understanding parents will
understand their problem. After all, if the child themselves does not
understand their own problem, how can they expect their parents to understand?
It is really helpful for families to be supported rather than blamed, and to
have the value and importance of their child affirmed.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can
“Share” the posters from reputable agencies.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> The key here, is to make sure that the poster
comes from a reputable agency that verifies missing child cases before
producing a poster. Agencies such as the National Center for Missing and
Exploited Children, Missing Children Minnesota, Jacob Wetterling Resource
Center, Polly Klaas Foundation, Heidi Search Center, etc. always verify that a
case is legitimate, and that the person registering the child with them is
someone who actually has a legal right to locate the child. One way to check if
an organization is reputable, is to see if they belong to an association which
requires its members to use best practices and follow a code of ethics. One
such association is the Association of Missing and Exploited Children’s Organizations
(AMECO) </span><a href="http://amecoinc.org/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: Calibri;">http://amecoinc.org</span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now for something a little bigger:</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can
volunteer, fundraise, or contribute to an organization that supports searching
families.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> In Minnesota, both Missing Children Minnesota and Jacob
Wetterling Resource Center are AMECO members. There is also the Amber Alert Fundraiser,
which raises money directly for the BCA, who administer the Amber Alert in
Minnesota. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can
advocate for more and better training for police officers around the issue of
missing and exploited children.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Did you know that training is a huge
expense for police departments? It is, because they have to pay for the
training the officer receives, pay them for their time spent in the training,
AND pay the officer that works in place of the officer who is away at
training! With money so short nowadays,
training dollars have to be prioritized, and that means some issues have to
take a back seat. One way to advocate for missing kids is to advocate for more
funding for the people who have the most power and ability to bring them home;
your local Law Enforcement! More manpower and more training would go a long way
to bringing more kids home faster. Nobody likes to pay taxes, but this is the
sort of investment that would pay dividends for many years down the road.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can
join the conversation and advocate for more support for families struggling
with a child who repeatedly runs away.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Did you know that it is almost
impossible to find a secure facility in Minnesota for a teenager if they have
not been adjudicated delinquent? If a child appears to be a danger to
themselves or others, they can be put on a medical hold. However, the level of
danger required for that is fairly extreme. Children with severe mental,
behavioral, or chemical health problems are very difficult to place in a secure
setting long enough to get them on the right path. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have seen numerous cases of children placed in outpatient
therapy programs who never show up, because they run the minute they are
returned to their parent. The parents beg for a secure placement where their
child will be compelled to face their problems, sit still long enough for the
medications to really work, get intensive therapy and participate as a
condition for gaining privileges. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have heard these kids referred to as “frequent fliers”
and the phenomenon as a “revolving door”. But these phrases don’t really
capture the meat of what is happening to these kids. The lack of consistent
treatment is counter-productive. Going
on-and-off medications, running to other children or to irresponsible adults
who encourage or enable self-medication with street drugs and alcohol, repeatedly
suffering the traumas of street life (giving them even more trauma to run from)
-- this isn’t working. It’s not working for the kids who need help. It’s not
working for the parents and police officers and case workers who are desperate
to help them.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a society, we need to come up with a way to protect our
children and help them make the transition into adulthood. It isn’t working to
wash our hands of these kids at age 16 and decide that there is nothing we can
do to bring a child in and keep them safe, help their parents make sure they
take their meds, are kept clear of people who want to enable them to run (or
even lure and encourage them to run), and make sure that they show up for
therapy sessions and classes.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">These kids can walk and talk and posture like adults, but
they are still children. They still need guidance, care, discipline and
support. Some need more than others. And some parents need help to fight the
streets for their troubled children. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can
get educated about the issues, and proliferate good information and good policy
ideas through your social networks in order to push solutions.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> In the
end, this is what will make things better. We need good citizens who care
enough and invest enough of themselves to get our resources focused on the root
causes of the problem. These are just a few action ideas to get us started. You
can start small. You don’t have to get into the weightier issues right away. If
everyone did a little, things would be so much better! Thank you for reading
this blog entry. Thank you for any comments you can make or ideas you can
offer. Thank you for all that you do every day to make your corner of the world
a little better!</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-84274026590625938642015-12-18T15:49:00.001-08:002015-12-19T00:08:15.397-08:00Case Studies - "lures"We've been going through old files and piles of stuff here at MCM, and it has been quite a journey for all of us.<br />
<br />
Of course, Carol Watson is very familiar with all of these old stories and old documents. She's the only person who has been part of MCM from the beginning.<br />
<br />
We came across a couple of case studies that demonstrate the importance of teaching kids to recognize "lures". "Lures" are deceptive behaviors, or attractive objects used to entice someone into danger. Whether you are talking about fish or children, or adults, the primary thing that makes a lure successful is that it appears attractive, and does not seem dangerous at first.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ps6Y0uON2cY/VnSZSMH0wPI/AAAAAAAAARM/G5UhXPofr1A/s1600/lures.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="398" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ps6Y0uON2cY/VnSZSMH0wPI/AAAAAAAAARM/G5UhXPofr1A/s640/lures.jpg" width="640" /><img height="16" id="4tic2jgmlzfc" src="data:image/gif;base64,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" width="16" /></a><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;">JAMES: an example of the "help lure" (this story was shared as part of a 1996 fund raising letter)</span><br />
<br />
4-year-old James had attended a <i>"Run, Yell & Tell!" </i>presentation in his day care. One afternoon as he played in his front yard, a car pulled up. A nice looking man leaned out the window and asked him "Hey, could you help me for a minute?"<br />
<br />
James was about to approach the car when he remembered what he has learned at the <i>"Run, Yell & Tell!" </i>presentation: "Always ask first" before you help someone. He ran inside to ask his babysitter. When he and his babysitter returned, the car and the man were gone. <br />
<br />
James may have prevented his own abduction by remembering what he had learned about prevention from Missing Children Minnesota.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;">SUSAN: an example of the lure of "understanding" and "support".</span><br />
<br />
16-year-old Susan ran away from her father's home in search of a modeling career. What she found instead was an older man who took her in and treated her kindly. Eventually, the man began to sexually abuse Susan and threatened the girl when she tried to leave.<br />
<br />
Susan was trapped.<br />
<br />
Her father called Missing Children Minnesota soon after she left. He was frantic and very worried about his daughter. MCM checked around and soon began to hear rumors of sightings of Susan and the older man. Eventually, a "sting" was set up and Susan and the man were caught. Susan returned home with her father. The man was charged with sexual abuse.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;">The takeaway:</span><br />
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">We need to remind very young children to "Always ask first" before they accept anything from someone, go anywhere with someone, or help someone with anything. If a person other than the person who is taking care of them at that time approaches them for any reason, they should "ask first!" before engaging.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">Older children need to be reminded to "check in" with the person in charge whenever their plans change, or if something doesn't go as planned, or if something doesn't seem quite right.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">And, of course, we need to always remember to keep our "trusted adult" hat firmly in place and be alert to difficulties, frustrations, or dangers that our children are encountering. If we don't help and guide them, there are others out there who will use their understanding of our kids needs to exploit them and violate their trust.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">It is a big job, and it can be scary with so much at stake. However, remember that all you really have to do is listen, be present, be supportive. You don't have to have all the answers, you don't have to do everything right. You just have to show the kids in your life that they are important, and that you will be there to help them reach their goals and deal with their problems.</span></div>
<br />Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-4246723697900325992015-08-27T12:17:00.001-07:002015-08-27T12:25:15.569-07:00A Word About "That Word": Why "closure" isn't adequate.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being an “organization of loss” puts us in a unique
community. We exist at an intersection of loss that puts us in communion with
many different “organizations of loss”. As a member of that community, we
dutifully maintain our awareness of the issues and ideas of other organizations that deal with loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was reading the newsletter for The Central Minnesota
Chapter of the National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In it, there was an article about the stages of grief, and
how grief is a sometimes cyclical process towards peace with a loss or a death.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Understanding that process doesn’t make it any easier, and
does not diminish the suffering of people going through it. People in grief for
a lost loves one, especially a child, do not want to hear about “the process of
grief”. They are IN it, and they just need to feel whatever they are feeling
right now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When our families have a child missing over years or decades, they go through similar
stages, but what stands out to me is that with no known outcome, there is no progress
towards being at peace. You can’t accept an outcome that never comes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">People discuss the concept of a outcome as “closure”, but
many of our left behind and searching families shake their head (and sometimes
their fists) at that word. “Closure” implies an ending to the process, a close
book means that you are done reading it. A close door means an end to
possibilities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But finding out what happened to your child isn’t an ending,
it is a beginning. A beginning of processing an outcome, whether it is your
child found unharmed, your child found with substantial injuries (physical,
mental, emotional), or your child found deceased. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Until you know what your child needs from you, what they
went through, what happened to them, you cannot begin to make progress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our parents of long-term missing go through the stages of
grief without progressing towards peace, however temporary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They endure the endless questions, the analysis, the
accusations, the casual blame-game of the public, the invasive manner in which
some outsiders express sympathy, the self-doubt and questioning, the depersonalization of their child’s case (“Oh
your child is missing? How awful, I can’t even imagine. I just saw that special
about Adam Walsh the other day!”) – and then they get up the next day and do it
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For families of murdered children, the process of grief
never truly ends. It reaches a point where they can do other things, think
other things, have joy in their memories more often than pain…but that grief
comes back again and again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For families of missing children, that journey can’t even
begin until their child comes home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d just like to remind people that “answers” are NOT “closure”.
Even “closure” isn’t “closure”…since we all know that pain and grief revisit us
throughout our lives when we lose a loved one. They are never truly gone, and
the pain of missing them is never truly gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Answers are important. They are needed and vital, and our
families deserve them. But they are just a beginning, not an ending.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-69448796732656571782015-08-14T13:20:00.002-07:002015-08-15T14:17:43.817-07:00A word from 1987 about Chronic Runaways and why there is no "one size fits all" solution.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This article was printed in the Missing Children’s Bulletin
in 1987. Missing Children's Bulletin was a small-print publication of a Missing Child Organization called I-Search. It was written by Jan Stanton, and many of the issues it raises are
still going on today. Of course, in this day and age, we have learned more
about the role that mental health, learning disabilities, and bullying (especially
of LGBT youth) have on runaway behavior. Still, the problem space – and the
shortfalls of the solution space seem to have moved little. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We still struggle with stereotyping of runaway youth and
their families, which gets in the way of the individual solution needed to effectively
address the problem. We still struggle with a lack of coordination of services
that allows children and families to fall through the cracks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We still have a problem with the needs of runaway youth not
being enough of a social, justice system, and funding priority. We still have elements of
the youth culture that encourage and glorify running away as a means to
independence and self-determination.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Pass it On: Safety Tips for Professionals</span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">by Jan Stanton</span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Chronic or habitual runaways many times are children who
are searching for solutions to their problems. They are knowledgeable about the
system and they realize that it hasn’t worked for them. We must address the
problems of the runaway, as well as those of the professionals who work with
them, and the problems within the system itself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This “system” may include law enforcement, youth service
agencies, mental health agencies, rape crisis centers and criminal justice professionals.
These agencies, within the overall system, must work together to provide intervention,
referral and resources for the chronic runner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since law enforcement
officers are not generally councilors, they must refer the youth to an
appropriate agency during initial intervention. For follow-up and/or return of
the youth, law enforcement’s role needs to include an in-depth interview with
the youth concerning causation and details surrounding their runaway
experiences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Professionals working with runaways need to understand the
dynamics and characteristics of these youths. This understanding may enable
them to assist the youth in breaking their cycle of running and perhaps their
cycle of victimization. For some chronic runners, reasons for running are
extremely complex, and depend on how youth perceive themselves and the world
around them. Some perceive their runaway episode as a step toward independence.
They feel that others, especially parents, control what is happening to them.
They believe parents should change, and if such changes do not take place, they
are disappointed. Chronic runaways will continue to hope that their lives will
improve. When they don’t, they will run again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Runaway skills are learned, and most youths do not automatically
know how to run away from home or where to go. This learning may take place through
a series of social encounters which may be positive or negative. Running away
demands a great deal of experimentation, taking chances and involvement on the
part of the youth. Peers are often a part of those experiments as well as a
critical support network for approval or discouragement of continual absences. After
repeated episodes, youths may be influenced by those who may become their
exploiters, thus adding to their already troubled environment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When examining the chronic runner, parents, case workers,
law enforcement officials and youth advocates must draw careful distinctions
between those young people who are totally assertive and committed to a new way
of living, and young people who are delinquent, troubled, or are seeking help.
Young people who are testing the social boundaries on behalf of growing
independence are distinctly different from young people who are bored,
deprived, abused, or emotionally confused.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Given the expanded focus on runaways in today’s society,
helping professionals must take a closer look at the growing problem of the chronic
runner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Upon returning home or to
shelters, it is essential that a broader range of services be made available
for children and parents. Young people and their parents must be given the opportunity
to examine the problems that have led to the runaway episodes and explore other
choices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“To remain optimistic about the future of our nation’s
youth, we just confront the many reasons underlying runaway behavior. The
answer seems straightforward: there are often inadequacies in the home, the
school, and the community. The youth must still be held accountable, however.
But the difficult question remains: How do we develop reasonable accountability
in both?” (Robbie Callaway, Director of Governmental/United Way Relations, Boy’s
Clubs of America).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">These system-kids who are lost in bureaucratic
mazes, underfunded services and unheeding communities need our attention.
Professionals who spend time working with these youth have felt our adult
failures, have watched the youths struggle and have seen many succeed. The
Potential is there – both for youth and for the professional. Won’t you use
your skills and PASS IT ON.”<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--></span>Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-85387032698317163252015-07-22T14:16:00.001-07:002015-07-22T14:25:43.397-07:00The Importance of Social Support in Missing Child Cases<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Social Support is the Interpersonal Factor most predictive
of post-traumatic resiliency”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 256.5pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dr. Emery John’s Hopkins School of Public Health<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 256.5pt; mso-add-space: auto;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The cases of missing/unidentified persons and their families
are part of what has been called “The Silent Mass Disaster”. If a natural
disaster or an act of terrorism affected as many people as missing and
unidentified persons cases do every year, our country would respond with a massive
effort on a scale that we have never seen before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That would be awesome, since we know that support of
community, friends and neighbors is the biggest indicator that someone will
overcome trauma, recover, and go on to thrive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And we need our searching families to stay strong through
the trauma of missing a loved one, recover, and thrive, so that they can be
that support for the missing person when he or she returns home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In cases where the abductor feels that they have sufficient
control over their victims, an abducted child may be allowed access to media.
This social support can help them endure their ordeal until they have the
opportunity to escape.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Missing/unidentified cases are very much a matter of public
interest, public concern, and collective responsibility.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately, missing/unidentified person cases are instead
seen as individual and private tragedies, rather than a public safety or public
health issue. This isolation is complicated by the drive many feel to distance
themselves from those suffering misfortune. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is almost a reflex for people to immediately blame the
missing person and their family for what has happened to their loved-one.
Because if that family did something to cause the misfortune, then observers
can comfort themselves with the illusion that nothing of the sort will happen
to them or their loved ones.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This urge takes on a whole different aspect when it is taken
up by mob mentality on social media.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Social media is a powerful tool for communicating a case to
the public. However, it can quickly turn on a family if they become the focus
of people who are determined to blame, shame, and isolate the victims. It can
lead to the strange situation of being completely isolated while at the same
time, being considered public property for anyone to put their mark on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In this day and age, when “True Crime” Drama is second only
to “Reality T.V.”, and most people get their news from social media, we have a
public that is engaged as never before with both entertainment and with
following real-life dramas of private people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everyone wants to be a super-sleuth, and everyone wants to
be the one who figured out “whodunnit”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes, people get carried away and forget that there are
real people and real families behind the headlines, and it is very easy for
them to get into grinding their own ax at the expense of the people involved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every searching family has to decide (along with law-enforcement
and their support team), <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>how much and
what kind of information to put out about their child and the circumstances of
their disappearance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They have to ask themselves if this information will:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>make my
child more vulnerable?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">signal the direction of the investigation to the
people responsible?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">give away information about what we know and how
we know it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">reveal private things about our family that
won’t help the investigation?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">lead to retaliation against the child by the
people responsible for his or her disappearance?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Many searching families are criticized for not putting out
enough information, and accused of “hiding” information, “only telling part of
the story”, and other accusations based on their choices to curate the
information they share about their child’s case.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have seen cases where children who have been abducted
have been re-victimized in social media due to thoughtless and cruel comments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In one national case, a teenaged girl whose mother and
younger brother were murdered as part of the abduction was accused of being the
mastermind of her own victimization. A self-proclaimed crime profiler and journalist
wrote a number of columns accusing the child of being responsible for her own
victimization. This, in spite of multiple unequivocal assertion of Law
Enforcement Officers from multiple agencies that worked the case that the child
was a victim.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In every case we have looked at, there are some people who
find it easier to blame the missing and their families, rather than be
supportive and helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our policy is to support the families and the missing
through the crisis, and help connect them to resources as needed to empower
them to overcome any conditions that may have contributed to the child being
missing, and to help them recover from the trauma of the crisis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why do we do that, people wonder? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After all, common opinion says that most children are hurt
by their parents, and that kids who run away are either bad kids, from bad
homes or both.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Common opinion, as in many other cases, does not serve us in
the case of missing children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The best statistics that we have on missing children are very old.
Newer statistics are piece-meal and incomplete. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">
Beyond those facts, we have the situation of effective innumeracy in our
society, where people don’t understand how statistics work, and don’t pay
attention to the narrow qualifiers that accompany each statistic. What those
statistics tell us, is that regardless of who took the child, or if they left
on their own power, it must be recognized that they must be assumed to be in
danger for as long as they are missing. First and foremost, we must work to
find them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The fact of the matter is; no matter what the statistics
say, each and every case <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">must be
evaluated individually to determine what actually happened THIS TIME.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Statistics indicate a line of inquiry or questioning and
suggest possibilities that should not be overlooked. But what solves the case
are the facts and evidence collected by the investigators, and an intelligent
evaluation of that knowledge to create the theory of that crime.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Too often, arm-chair sleuths want to blurt out their initial
gut reactions based on their experience in consuming “true crime” materials.
They like to cast doubt on the case, and then come out with a safe-sounding
opinion that they feel is backed up by statistics.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is up to us in the majority of the responsible public to
speak out when we see this and support the families and the missing, rather
than let others treat them as objects for their own self-amusement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the case is communicated to the public, the public is
given the information about that case which will best help them get involved
constructively in the case – while protecting the victim as much as possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you see comments along the line of “There is more to
this case than meets the eye”, “There is a lot of missing information”, or
“There are a lot of unanswered questions in this case”, “or, they are
withholding information” this is the time to step up and say “We don’t need to
know everything about this case to help this child and this family. Share the
poster, and report anything you see or know to the authorities.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you see someone saying something horrible about the
searching family, the child, or others who are involved that is the time to
step up and say “Social media is not the place to report information about a
crime, and gossiping about a family in crisis is disgusting. If you are
gossiping, stop it. If you have information about the case, contact the
authorities.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My personal favorite is when someone refers to the victim as
“not a perfect angel”, “Not completely innocent” or some other similar phrase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let’s just say it. Nobody is “completely innocent” Nobody is
“a perfect angel”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If that is our criteria for a victim to have recourse to the
law and the support of the community, then we are all in big trouble. A plea to
help find a missing child is an act of trust in a community to respond
positively and humanely. <br />
<br />
Let’s not only do that ourselves, but insist that others do the same. Our
missing/unidentified persons and our searching/left behind families need our
support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-48468135363422085522015-07-14T08:20:00.000-07:002015-07-14T08:52:43.723-07:00Persistant Myths About Parental Abduction<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have to admit to being a little disheartened today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the course of getting ready for our 8<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> Annual
Golf Classic to raise money for our programs, and getting materials ready for a
public-awareness trip up to Lake of the Woods County Fair, I came across a pile
of papers. In that pile was an article written in 1984 by Jan Russell, a
pioneer in working to resolve the problem of parental abduction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In this article, she describes the myths and realities of
parental abduction, and talks about the barriers encountered by left-behind
families in parental abduction cases.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sadly, these myths and realities seem to be largely
unchanged in the intervening 31 years. More sadly, Missing Children Minnesota
has been around for 31 years working to change these myths and perceptions, and
introduce a new reality. But it has become clear that one little organization
running on a shoe-string budget cannot do much to move the needle on this
issue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We need the public will, and public support. Will you help
us? Will you spread the word that parental kidnapping is a real issue, that it
hurts children, devastates families, creates a financial and resource drain on
communities, and (let’s say it again, because it is the most important) it
hurts children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am reproducing the article here in its entirety for you to
see. Please tell everyone you know about the realities of parental abduction. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To fix this, we need:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Public recognition that parental abduction is a
serious crime that hurts kids, hurts (and often bankrupts) families, and that has a high economic and social cost for communities.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Public commitment to getting sufficient training
for law enforcement officers so that they know they need to take a report of a
missing child right away, and how to respond in the early stages of an
investigation. Also, to add the manpower and resources to follow through and send the message that parental abduction is no longer a "free crime".</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Public pressure to investigate and prosecute
these cases to the fullest extent of the law.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let’s not let another 31 years go by with these myths and
barriers still in place. Since the beginning of the year, we have had several
cases where it has taken more than a week to get a missing child report taken.
A child should be considered in danger if the person who is responsible for
their safety does not know where they are. Regardless of who is believed to
have their child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You know where they are. They are with their mother.” Is not
a sufficient answer if the custodial parent does not know if the mother and
child are on the next block, or in Georgia. USA, Georgia in Europe, in Mexico,
or in Mozambique.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 20pt; line-height: 107%;">Parental Kidnapping: Myths and
Realities</span><br />
by Jan Russel (published in 1984)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Recently a great deal of media attention has been focused on
the problem of parental kidnapping. Yet the media reports, often poorly
researched and inaccurate, have done little to correct the public’s
misconception of this crime. Let’s review and correct the myths.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Myth: It is not
illegal to take your own child.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Reality:</b> A decade
ago, this statement was pretty much true. The federal kidnapping statute
(commonly known as the Lindbergh Act) specifically excluded parents from prosecution.
Most jurisdictions chose to ignore the problem, while other jurisdictions ,
sympathetic to the plight of the left-behind parent, were forced to make do
with the existing state statutes that were designed for other purposes (such as
“unlawful restraint”). These efforts were, as a whole, ineffective and
arbitrary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the late 1970’s, states began to pass legislation that in
some ways prohibited interference with a custodial parent’s rights. All states
have now passed laws that prohibit the removal and/or concealment of a child by
natural parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">While the passage of so many laws in less than a decade is a
remarkable feat, it is important to note that not all laws are created equal.
Few state laws are truly comprehensive, and some are so poorly written that
they are only minimally effective. And even the best law is useless if not
enforced. It is not unusual for law enforcement officers to tell left-behind
parents that parental abduction is not a crime but is a civil matter. Since
civil courts are unable to deal effectively with an abducting parent whose
location is unknown, these parents are often left to ride a legal
merry-go-round that only information or advocacy from an outside source can
stop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The effectiveness of state laws is further hampered when the
prosecuting state refuses to extradite the abducting parent. The state is, in
effect, rewarding parents for successful criminal behavior and signals to
parents who are considering abducting their children that if you can get out of
the state unapprehend, parental abduction is a “free crime”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Myth: Parents kidnap
their children because they love them too much to live apart from them; the
custodial parent was unfit.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Reality: </b>The
emotion seen most often in abductions is anger. Parents abduct their children
to get back at the custodial parent, to reduce or eliminate child support
and/or to try to force a reconciliation with the left-behind parent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mothers who are declared unfit may have an additional reason
to abduct their children. In our society, women are identified by their role as
mothers. A mother whose child has been removed from her care is looked down on.
Thus, such a mother may abduct her child because of peer pressure and the need
to re-establish her identity in society.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For whatever reason a parent decides to abduct, it is never
in the interest of the child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Myth: The child is
not in danger if he is being detained by a parent rather than a stranger.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Reality: </b>While
the child may be in less danger, he is not out of danger. I SEARCH, the
Illinois agency created to deal with the problem of missing children, has
indicated many victims of parental abduction that it helped recover in its
first years of operation, were physical or sexually abused while in hiding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Informal surveys have suggested that abducting parents are
often emotionally unstable at the time of the abduction and that many such
parents have a history of violent or abusive behavior, having abused their
children or spouse in the past.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">While on the run, the parent is under a great deal of
stress. The parent is usually in a new area without the support system of
friends and family; and because of fear of discovery, may not be able to get or
hold a job or establish new relationships and may move frequently. The parent
may begin to blame the child for the circumstances he/she is now in and take
that anger out on the child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The child also suffers psychological trauma. The left-behind
parent is usually the child’s primary care-giver, that is, the person
responsible for the day-to-day needs. Children expect the primary care-giver to
always be there and to protect them from any harm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Abducted children are often angry with the left-behind
parent for not being with the child and for letting the abduction happen. The
child often feels abandoned by the left-behind parent and may suffer because of
a breach of trust with one or both parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem is
compounded when the abducting parent, in an effort to stop the child’s
questions, tell the child that the left-behind parent is dead or that the
parent does not love them, or want them anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Under the best of circumstances, the child loses all sense
of security and stability, and it is important to locate the child as quickly
as possible to minimize the damage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Myth: Parental
Kidnapping is such an isolated event, it will never happen to me.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Reality:</b> A
congressional subcommittee estimated that 100,000 to 400,000 American children
become victims of parental kidnapping each year. It can happen to children of
any social, economic or ethnic/racial group. It can happen while their parents
are still living together as well as when they are separated or divorced.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Furthermore, the likelihood of an abduction is higher for
two particular groups. The children of battered women comprise the highest-risk
group. Parental abduction is often the abuser’s last-ditch effort to force home
a wife who has left him. The risk is greatest after a separation, but the
motive in these cases often changes after the divorce from an effort at
reconciliation, to revenge, and the threat rarely goes away entirely. The
children of unwed mothers are also at high risk as fathers use the children to
maintain deteriorating relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Myth: Parental
abductions are resolved quickly. The abducting parent usually returns in a week
or so, sorry he/she did it. There’s no need to go searching for the parent.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Reality:</b> It is
not at all unusual for children to be gone for more than a year before being
located; thousands of children have been located after being gone for several
years, and a conservative estimate is that 20-30% of abducted children are
never seen again by their custodial parent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The odds for recovery are much better now than they ever
have been. Contributing factors are: better laws, increased effort by law
enforcement agencies, media distribution of pictures, more awareness on the
part of the public and the efforts of missing children agencies. But, as in
other types of crimes, the sooner an ambitious search is begun, the better the
chance there is for recovery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-29507636572946843182015-07-07T23:36:00.001-07:002015-07-07T23:36:08.397-07:008th Annual Golf Classic
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria;">Missing
Children Minnesota is excited to announce our 8th Annual golf tournament to be held at Northfield Golf Club 100% of the proceeds will benefit Missing Children Minnesota (MCM)!</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria;">Our festivities have found a wonderful new home. We were able to travel to Northfield and get a look at this charming Clubhouse, and the gorgeous grounds. We were graciously treated to a tour, and we can't wait to introduce you to this gem of a golf course!</span></div>
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If you already have three friends that you want to team up with, you can buy a team ticket for $400. Just make sure to let us know your team name, and the names of all your players!</div>
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If you just want to sign up yourself, and have us find a team for you, you can buy a ticket for $125, and just let us know to coordinate with other individuals and get you into a team!</div>
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You can register by sending a check and information about your team name, and the names of your players to:<br /><br />Golf Classic Tickets</div>
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C/O Missing Children Minnesota</div>
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416 East Hennepin Ave</div>
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Suit #217</div>
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Minneapolis, MN 55414</div>
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OR you can register at Eventbrite with a credit card or Paypal: (Eventbrite will charge an additional fee)</div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria;"> <span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><a href="https://www.eventbrite.com/myevent?eid=16822886707"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: blue;">https://www.eventbrite.com/myevent?eid=16822886707</span></span></a><br /><br />All proceeds will go to support Missing Children Minnesota's Prevention Programs and Support and Referral Services for searching families.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Cambria",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">In 2014 we educated over 4,000 Minnesotans on personal safety for children, and we helped 30 families of missing children with their search for their kids! With your help, we will be able to expand the reach of our programs and services.<br /><br />We won't stop until all of the kids come home!</span></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-65578299414223206442014-06-14T06:59:00.001-07:002014-06-14T06:59:13.834-07:00Our volunteer, Mike Casey has completed a redesign of our website! <a href="http://missingchildrenmn.net/" target="_blank">You can check it out here</a>.<br />
<br />
We will be continuing with further updates and additions, but right now, we are just happy about the shiny new look and design!<br />
<br />
Thank you, Mike, for all of your hard work and for donating your time and talent so that we can put a fresher face on our web presence!Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-4670620201791290312014-06-12T13:59:00.000-07:002014-06-12T13:59:14.022-07:00Our education programs go beyond "self defense"There is a battle being waged on the internet about personal safety.<br />
<br />
Some people commenting on the issue of personal safety mock the idea that there is any validity to the practice of teaching relationship skills and respect for personal boundaries and for working to transform social attitudes towards victimization of children and adults.<br />
<br />
These folks often view physical skills as the beginning and end of personal safety, and the solution to abduction, abuse, bullying, and exploitation.<br />
<br />
While we teach violence resistance concepts and techniques in our classes, we also begin our education with the very young and teach children to recognize problem behaviors to trigger a protective response BEFORE there is a need to hit, kick, bite and scratch to get away.<br />
<br />
This should in no way be taken as a pacifistic view of victimization, or that we don't advise fighting back when in immediate danger.<br />
<br />
The National Center for Missing And Exploited Children (NCMEC) collected statistics;<br />
<br />
" <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #0c2c43; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 15px/22.5px Arimo, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Of the attempted abductions that had a known outcome of how the child escaped the suspect:</span><br />
<ul class="listBullets" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px currentColor; color: #0c2c43; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 1.5px/normal rem/1.5em Arimo, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px 0px 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 24px; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<li style="background: none; border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">51 percent involved children walking or running away from the suspect with no physical contact.</li>
<li style="background: none; border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">32 percent involved children reporting some type of reaction such as yelling, kicking, pulling away or attracting attention.</li>
<li style="background: none; border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">17 percent involved either a parent or another individual rescuing the child."</li>
</ul>
<div style="background: none; border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="color: #0c2c43; font-family: Arial;">(source: </span><a href="http://www.missingkids.com/AttemptedAbductions">http://www.missingkids.com/AttemptedAbductions</a> )</div>
<div style="background: none; border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
</div>
<div style="background: none; border: 0px currentColor; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Our educational programs empower children to access ALL of these successful strategies, not just kicking and punching.</div>
We help them practice responses that will make them safer from the very beginning of an approach by someone who might hurt them (while still behaving in socially appropriate ways towards people who won't hurt them).<br />
<br />
Additionally, we introduce the concept that everybody deserves to be safe and respected. So, just as we empower children to stand up for themselves and defend themselves if necessary, we also reinforce the idea that they should respect the rights of others.<br /><br />Some will say that it is foolish to believe that we can have an effect by teaching children not to hurt others or disrespect them, or make them feel unsafe.<br /><br />We believe, however, that the more children we teach to respect the rights of others at the same time that we teach them to stand up for themselves and make safer choices at every point in their interactions with others, the less need there will be for violent resistance to violence.<br />
<br />
Our message is complete, empowering and pro-social. Instead of "not me" we teach that nobody should be victimized, ever. Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-24317551604700466492014-05-31T17:02:00.003-07:002014-05-31T17:02:56.081-07:00Amy Sue Pagnac's Mother and Sister speak with the pressToday, Susan Pagnac Sr. and Susan Pagnac Jr met with the press to talk about the search of Amy's childhood home, where Susan Pagnac Sr. and Amy's father, Marshall Midden, still live.<br />
<br />
They spoke a little about the state of the house after the search, which is a mess and in significant disarray. They insist that the house was left in the best condition possible, under the circumstances. The inconvenience, and the mess is all worth it if they find Amy.<br />
<br />
They pointed out that the people working this case are different people than those investigating in the past, and that these new investigators might benefit from hearing any information first hand.<br />
<br />
They are asking the public to share any information they have with police, whether or not they have already shared what they know.<br />
<br />
Also, they urge members of the public to go to the BCA Clearinghouse web page and <a href="https://dps.mn.gov/divisions/bca/bca-divisions/administrative/Documents/PagnacAmySue.pdf" target="_blank">view the poster with an age-progressed photo showing what she might look like at age 33 (she is 38 now).</a><br />
<br />
Somebody knows what happened to Amy Sue Pagnac. If you know something, please contact the Maple Grove Police Department, the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, or the Minnesota BCA Missing Person's Clearinghouse with any information you have. Every lead is valuable, no matter how small.<br />
<br />
This family is very strong in their support for one another, and their support for Amy. Please help by looking at the poster, and sharing what you know.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-88865329169988968492014-02-13T12:27:00.001-08:002014-02-13T12:29:58.174-08:00Missing Children Minnesota Commemorates 30 Years of Service<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Governor Dayton has issued a
proclamation declaring February 17<sup>th</sup> to be Missing Children
Minnesota Day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Proclamation reads:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Whereas: February 17, 2014 marks the 30<sup>th</sup> anniversary of the
founding of Missing Children Minnesota; and<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Whereas: The education of our children in personal safety and the support
of searching families is in the interest of all Minnesotans; and<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Whereas: Missing Children Minnesota has tirelessly worked to provide
valuable and effective prevention education to the public as well as support
for searching families.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">NOW, THEREFORE, I, MARK DAYTON, Governor of Minnesota, di hereby proclaim
Monday, February 17, 2014, as:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The 30<sup>th</sup> Anniversary of Missing Children Minnesota in the
state of Minnesota.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Great Seal
of the State of Minnesota to be affixed at the State Capitol this 10<sup>th</sup>
day of February.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Missing Children Minnesota (MCM) was
founded on Feb 17th in 1984.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This date is significant for a number
of reasons in the missing children community.
It is the birthdays of two of Minnesota’s long-term missing children; </span>Jacob
Wetterling and Corrine Erstad. More specific to Missing Children Minnesota,
February 17<sup>th</sup> is also the day that our Executive Director, Carol
Watson’s missing son was found safe. Hope for the missing, gratitude for those who
have been found safe, and remembrance for those found injured or deceased
motivate us to continue our mission into the future.<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The mission of Missing Children Minnesota is to help in locating missing
children; to provide advocacy and support services to families of missing
children and to provide information and prevention education to the public
regarding missing children and runaways.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In addition to search assistance, we
also provide four critically acclaimed educational programs to children and
adults throughout Minnesota and all across the country. Every year, MCM
presents abduction prevention and personal safety programs to schools, daycare
centers, early childhood and family education groups, churches and children's
vacation camps.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We hope that by providing children
with the information they need to be safer this year, we will have fewer
missing children next year. In 2013 MCM provided education to approximately 2,000
adults and children, and search assistance for 32 searching families.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You can bring our education programs
to children in your area or contact us about a missing child by calling (612)
334-9449, or by e-mailing inquiries to <a href="mailto:StaffMCM@gmail.com">StaffMCM@gmail.com</a>.
Our phone is staffed 24 hours per day, seven days per week, 365 days per year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Our assistance to searching families
is always free of charge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You can learn more about Missing
Children Minnesota by following us on:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/MissingChildMN">https://twitter.com/MissingChildMN</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Missing-Children-Minnesota/164298202632?ref=hl">https://www.facebook.com/pages/Missing-Children-Minnesota/164298202632?ref=hl</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-85946447040359516742014-01-14T12:43:00.000-08:002014-01-14T12:43:19.247-08:00January is National Stalking Awareness MonthAs we begin the New Year, we look forward to our continued mission to bring lessons of personal safety to all of Minnesota's children.<br />
<br />
Our programs for children, teachers, parents and law enforcement stress the concept of it being OK to say "no" to unwanted contact, and the right to feel safe in your home, school, neighborhood and other places that are important to you and your well-being.<br />
<br />
Stalking is a very important issue that touches on this concept. A stalker will often use a person's connection to a place, or need to be somewhere as a tool to maintain unwanted contact, as well as to force interactions that are intrusive, unwanted, and even dangerous.<br />
<br />
Stalking is not only frightening, it is a kind of theft. The stalker steals the victim's "zone of safety", in a way.<br />
<br />
While the victim might or might not come to any physical harm, and the stalker might in fact not intend any harm, there is still harm done. Everyone has a right to feel safe, and to say "no" to unwanted contact.<br />
<br />
In our education programs, we teach this concept of feeling free to say "no", and the need to respect "no" from others from the very earliest ages that our programs reach.<br />
<br />
Anti-stalking laws are important, proper enforcement is important, and personal safety techniques are important skills to have, but the place where we can have the most impact is to teach our children to respect boundaries from a very young age, to insist that their own boundaries be respected, and to back up others when they see boundaries being asserted and violated.<br />
<br />
For more information about Stalking in the U.S., <a href="https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles/169592.pdf" target="_blank">please read this report</a> from the Department of Justice and the CDC.<br />
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-80793877102520405822013-11-04T12:47:00.001-08:002013-11-04T12:52:12.915-08:00November: National Runaway Prevention Month<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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November is Runaway Prevention Month, and we’d like to start
the month by discussing GLBT youth: an underserved and under recognized group
of children who become missing because they run away from, or are thrown away
by their families.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
GLBT youth tend to experience a greater exposure to the risk
factors for runaway/thrown away situations:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Rejection by family</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Rejection by peers</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Bullying at school</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Exposure to community violence (either first or
second hand)</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Internalized hate/rejection</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Isolation and lack of support structure</li>
</ul>
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What can we do to reduce the risk of bad outcomes for the
GLBT youth in our state?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Promote great ideas like the Family Acceptance
Project, a program that helps families have honest and authentic conversations
with their GLBT children in a way that reduces the feelings of personal
rejection, hostility, and isolation that can arise as families grapple with
these issues.</li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Encourage our schools and community
organizations to adopt responsive and sensible “zero tolerance” policies that
are solution and reconciliation –oriented, that promise to address EVERY
incident of bullying, record the incident, create a resolution appropriate to
the situation (not one size fits all), record the resolution and commitments of
all parties, and hold them accountable.</li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Model appropriate behavior for our own children
in our own families, and not accept violence of any kind toward anyone. Even if
a family has opinions that make them unable to accept a person’s sexual
orientation, they can model respectful behavior toward all people, and let
their children know that they expect the same level of behavior.</li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Contribute our time, energy and money to
organizations that work to reduce community violence and promote personal and
community safety. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Missing Children
Minnesota provides a runaway prevention program for all children called Erica’s
Choices.</li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Contribute our time, energy, and money to
groups that provide support and advocacy for GLBT youth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Groups such as PFLAG and District 202
are good local groups that help support our young people.</li>
</ul>
<!--[if !supportLists]--></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-89066654792119589432013-07-17T12:14:00.003-07:002013-07-17T12:17:27.376-07:00Case study: Concerned Great-Grandmother<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Case overview:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rowena called us to see if there was anything that we could
do to help her grand-daughter, Alicia, recover her two-year-old son, Mikael.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alicia had broken off an abusive relationship, and obtained
a Temporary Restraining Order against Paul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Paul denied paternity of Mikael. Alicia was the only parent listed
on the birth certificate, and Paul never legally established paternity, and has
never contributed to the support of his child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However, Paul’s mother showed an interest in Mikael, and
frequently had him for visitation. After the break-up of the relationship, Paul
moved back into the house with his mother. During a visitation following an
incident where Mikael had been hospitalized for a serious infection, Paul
refused to allow them to pick up Mikael for the follow-up appointment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rowena and Alicia made repeated attempts to contact Paul or
Paul’s mother, and to retrieve Mikael. There was no answer at the door, or to
phone calls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On one occasion, Paul
answered the door, threw things at Rowena, cursed her out, and threatened her
with violence.<br /><br />Rowena believed that Paul was only keeping Mikael as a way of torturing Alicia, to perpetuate the cycle of abuse that she had broken when she ended the relationship, and got a restraining order.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everyone Rowena contacted informed her that this was a
custody matter not a criminal matter, and that Alicia needed an attorney. It
would be months before they could get a court hearing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Action taken by MCM:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our volunteer (under the supervision of Case Manager, Millie Ives) informed Rowena of Alicia’s rights under
Minnesota State </span><a href="https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/?id=609.26"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">Statute
609.26</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> and referred them to the Hennepin County Family Court Self-Help
Center, where Alicia was able to apply for a Temporary Custody Order.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the TCO was granted, the police
accompanied Rowena to the home where Mikael was being held, and retrieved him
safely.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Result:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Child was safely returned to his custodial parent, and
process was begun to establish a permanent legal custody order establishing
Alicia as the legal and custodial parent for Mikael.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Case was closed in three days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">(All names changed to protect the privacy of our clients and
their families)<o:p></o:p></span>Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-25529085438060492992013-06-20T12:18:00.002-07:002013-06-20T12:20:01.032-07:00Finding your child is a new beginning<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><a href="http://www.kake.com/news/crime/headlines/95785499.html?utm_source=The+Missing+Connection+-+June+2013&utm_campaign=Missing+Connection+-+June+2013&utm_medium=email" target="_blank">This is really great news for one searching mom</a>, but the story does not stop with finding her children.</strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday, June 7, 2010</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> A Southern California mother whose two children were reported missing 15 years ago has been able to find them — using Facebook. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> The mom is not being identified. But authorities say the children's father, Faustino Utreta left with the children in 1995 — when they were ages 2 and 3. A district attorney for San Bernadino, California says the mom found her daughter's Facebook profile after searching the social networking site in March. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> An official says the two children — a 17-year-old girl and 16-year-old boy — are now in the custody of the state of Florida. For now, the two teenagers are being cared for by a non-relative in Florida with whom the pair have an existing relationship. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"> The father has been charged with kidnapping and with violating child custody orders.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We have found that social media
is an excellent way for parents to search for their missing children,
especially children who have run away. Our case manager (Millie Ives) has
closed a number of cases, old and new, by looking for the missing children on
Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">Many missing kids neglect their
online data footprint, and leave their accounts open to the public, and post
freely about where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing. We
wish that more kids would take safety precautions with their personal data, but
if that information is available to help their parents locate them, we will use
it to help bring them home safe. We know for sure, that those who prey on kids
do not hesitate to use this information to harm them, and we want to get them
home safely before that happens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We have also helped parents
find missing kids by reminding them that if they are paying for their child’s
phone, they can have the service provider locate the phone. If there is a
missing person’s report on the child, the police can be tipped off to their
location if necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We have not had any cases of
reunifications of long-time missing through social media as of yet, but one
thing to remember about this particular case, is that these children will
likely be reunited with a mother that they have no memories of, and no
relationship with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">The whole family will need lots
of professional help and support to build healthy and sustainable relationships.
It is a shame that the children were denied contact with and knowledge of their
mother and their relatives in their mother’s family for so long. This sort of
situation can cause difficulties for children that they may not even recognize
or understand until many years in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background: white; line-height: 15pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">But at least these young people
now have the choice to get to know their mother and work to make up for all
that lost time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We wish them the best
for their futures, and hope for all the missing to come home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-29216919731669246582013-05-31T08:07:00.003-07:002013-05-31T08:07:57.437-07:00They are NOT "OK": When children run away or are abducted by family members
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Too often, when news of a missing child comes across the
wire, we hear people say things like “Oh, she ‘just’ ran away” or “He’s
fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His mother took him, how bad can
it be if he’s with his mother?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is important to get past this idea as a society that
there are different “classes” of missing. Yes, different circumstances require
different search and recovery efforts, but there should not be a sense that
certain kinds of missing do not count, or are not important.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some things for you to think about regarding run-aways, and
abductions by a family member (sometimes referred to as “family abductions”).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a “family abduction”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A child’s sense of safety, well-being, as well
as mental and emotional health is violated when they are taken without warning
and kept away from their custodial care-giver, their home, their friends, and
their normal routine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when they are
returned in good health and uninjured, they are at risk to experience anxiety,
depression, and other psychological problems.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Many children in family abductions have been
told that the left-behind parent gave them away, is very angry with them,
doesn’t love them anymore, or was killed. Some have been given disturbing and
terrifying descriptions of the death of the left-behind parent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Often, children abducted by family members have
had their entire identity erased, had to give up favorite activities that they
found comforting, and had to go by a different name. They are robbed of the
right to their own sense of self.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some children abducted by family members have
been kept out of school, and not allowed normal social interaction, education,
or medical care because of the risk that they will be recognized.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Children abducted by family members are often
neglected or abused as the abducting parent fails to cope with the stresses of
single parent-hood on the run…or when they are left in the care of others while
the parent is distracted by the difficulties of a disrupted life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is not unusual for the abducting parent to
take the child as a way of continuing a cycle of abuse of the custodial
parent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The child becomes an object used
to torture the other parent. This is very damaging.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the case of “runaways”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not all cases categorized as “runaways” are
actually run-aways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just because they
are a teenager with problems, it does not mean that they are missing because
they ran away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A child might initially have run-away, but once
they leave their zone of safety, they are at risk for a subsequent abduction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most runaways will be approached by a predator
or a trafficker within 48 hours of leaving their zone of safety.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Runaways are sometimes running from real danger
in their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just because they have
run away from their support system, this does not mean that the danger cannot
follow them and find them, it just means that they are cut off from help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the things that we do at Missing Children Minnesota,
is take call after call from people looking for their missing children who have
been told by every person they have asked for help that there is nothing that
can be done to look for their missing child. They’re told that when the
non-custodial parent kidnaps their child, it is a “custody battle”, not a
kidnapping. They’re told there is a waiting period.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes, as many as a half a dozen people in a month call
us about their missing children. We are the first people to tell them their
rights, refer them to resources, give them the language that lets them engage
the system to work on their behalf. We are the first to provide real solutions
and tools rather <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>than give them the
brush-off because their cases are not recognized as missing children and
abduction cases.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This needs to change, and the only way to change it is to
increase public awareness of the problem, and public pressure for proper
training and response of our system to uphold our laws and meet the needs of
the missing and their families.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-17730301903176249252013-05-14T06:45:00.001-07:002013-05-14T10:21:25.784-07:00What is "Grooming"?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You may have heard the word “grooming” used in sex abuse
cases, and thought that it was an odd phrase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Social animals like dogs and monkeys groom each other to
cement social relationships. When we groom our animal companions, they show us
greater affection, and become more closely attached to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This happens with humans as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As many comedians have noted, people become
so greatly attached to their estheticians and hairdressers that they actually
feel guilty if they receive those grooming services from another person. One of
the most iconic images of mother-daughter bonding is the mother brushing and fixing
her daughter’s hair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Understanding this helps us understand why “grooming” is the
right word for the activities that abusers use to cement their relationships
with their victims. Of course, these activities are not usually LITERALLY grooming activities, but are nontheless aimed at developing emotional intimacy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some examples are:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<ul>
<li>Gift giving</li>
<li>Spending time</li>
<li>Showing concern/understanding</li>
<li>Indulging in fun or attractive activities together</li>
<li>Affectionate touching</li>
</ul>
</div>
You might notice that none of the activities listed above seem particularly inappropriate or harmfull, and at appropriate levels, they are not.<br />
<br />
The harm comes when they are used to break down healthy personal boundaries, and eventually create a coersive situation that the victim finds confusing and scary and does not know how to detach from.<br />
<br />
In the situation where a predator is "grooming" a potential victim, these activities will tend to become increasingly excessive for their expected role in the child's life, increasingly exlusive, the relationship may begin to replace or strain other relationships, and the interaction will become increasingly intimate and emotionally intense. If the child feels responsibility and shame, it takes a lot of trust to overcome the barrier to reporting. <br />
<br />
Grooming activites can take a darker turn after the child feels the desire to keep secrets from other children and adults about the relationship, the "gifts" can become items like alcohol, drugs, or pornography or other forbidden items. The focus of the activities becomes the gratification of the predator's needs, and the touching becomes intimate and exploitive.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are several reasons why predators invest the time and
energy into grooming:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It reduces the risk that the victim will resist the abuse.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It reduces the risk that the victim will report them.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It reduces the risk that others will believe the victim if they report.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It allows them to convince themselves that their victims are willing partners.<o:p></o:p></span> </li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some predators get more of their sense of reward and arousal from the grooming stage than from the victimization of their
targets.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<ul>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Grooming can occur in the victim’s home, in school, in
social activities, online, or many other places. It is the process of gaining access to the
victim, and gaining the trust, affection and confidence of the victim and the
victim’s support network. The first sign of it is often that feeling of confusion about how to respond to inappropriate behavior. Teaching our kids to respond appropriately to that feeling, and to seek help can go a long way to protecting them from abuse.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now that we have some idea of what grooming is, and why
predators do it, how do we recognize it, and how do we protect our children and
ourselves?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Practice and teach
maintenance of personal boundaries<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Be wary of people who don’t respect boundaries, and teach
children to recognize them and seek help dealing with them. Grooming in its
early stages involves attempts to change the roles of the predator and their
target, to create a sense of closeness and co-conspiracy in breaking these
boundaries. This grooms the victim in part by making them feel special and
exclusive, and by also getting them to think of themselves as a participant in
the relationship. It also grooms the victim’s support system to ignore signs of
abuse later on, or to attribute it to other causes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want to be clear that I am not talking about people who do
not understand boundaries, though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We all know that awkward person who just blurts out the “overshare”,
or who hugs at times that don’t seem to call for a hug, or oversteps boundaries
in giving and asking for advice or council.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Social awkwardness can be the result of medical or
developmental conditions, or a deprived upbringing that prevent some people
from understanding boundaries on an intuitive level, and I certainly do not
want to give you the impression that they are predators. These people long for
engagement, and just don’t know how to do it properly. In fact, it causes them
to be at a much higher risk for victimization themselves, especially as
children. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just because they don’t have an intuitive sense of
boundaries, however, does not mean they cannot learn the rules of social interaction
on an intellectual level.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If they are informed gently and firmly that they have
violated a social boundary, they will benefit from that information (no matter
how difficult it is for you to deliver it). It is not unkind to tell them that
you are uncomfortable, and why.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, predators know what they are doing. They create awkward situations because they are pushing the relationship out of accepted and comfortable boundaries. One small step at a time, they gain a more central position in the life of the child, and often, in the social support network for that child. We want to be careful about misrepresenting and stigmatizing people who are genuinely awkward, and at the same time recognize the importance of maintianing our right to determine the level of intimacy and engagement we will accept from others.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Regardless of the reason someone over-steps, it is your
right to re-assert your boundaries, and insist that they be respected. Modeling
this boundary maintenance for your children, and explaining it to them at an
age-appropriate level is an extremely effective deterrent. If your children understand
that maintenance of appropriate roles and boundaries is important, and that you
are willing and able to help them; they will come to you for help and advice
when they feel confused.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It also helps kids to see that these boundaries can be
maintained in a way that is healthy and effective, because the children often
know and like the person who is acting inappropriately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They don’t want anything bad to happen to the
other person; they just want help dealing with the inappropriate behavior. So
if they know that you will not fly off the handle, and trust you to do only
what is necessary to deal with the situation, they will be more likely to come
to you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you have concerns about the behavior, especially if the person does not respond to assertions of personal boundaries, or to reminders of the appropriate limits of their role in your child's life, it is very important
to report it to the proper authorities, and to talk to your child about the
fact that it was necessary to protect them and other children, and to get the
offending person the help that they need.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you need help
deciding who to report to, you can call Missing Children Minnesota (612)
334-9449 or the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
(1-800-THE-LOST) for referrals and resources.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Encourage your children
to create, explore, take on appropriate risk and responsibility and seek rewards
in appropriate ways.<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Children are compelled to create, explore, take risks,
assume responsibility, and seek rewards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If, as trusted adults, we shut them down with “that’s too hard for you”
or “that’s too dangerous”, we not only erode our status as trusted adults, and
block them from a pathway to build self-esteem, but we open the door for anyone
else who is willing to direct that youthful energy and drive for exploration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As adults, though, it is so much easier to just say “no”, especially
to some of the outrageous schemes that our kids come up with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But behind every wild scheme that pops into your child’s head
is a goal to be met, and a question to be answered. It is probably a goal and a
question that the child doesn’t fully understand themselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The desire to build a
jump for their bicycle might be more a desire to know “What would happen if?”
and be answered with permission to build miniature jumps and explore how a hot
wheels car manages with various designs, an activity that could very well lead
to a science fair ribbon later on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or the goal might be the desire to feel that sense of
weightless flight, in which case allowing them to have a turn on one of those giant
trampoline-harness contraptions at the county fair might be in order. Sure, it
is still risky, but less risky than them sneaking off to try their luck with a
child’s sense of structural design, catch-as-catch-can materials, and no adult guidance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As you spend years answering your children with “hmmm…lets’
spend a little time imagining how that would work” or “what do you imagine it
would feel like to do that?” or “What made you think of that?” rather than “no”,
you are helping them build confidence in you and in themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are teaching them to build the
affirmations and connections and experiences to which a predators grooming
activities offer false short-cuts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
you are setting yourself up as the go-to person for advice on how to deal with
difficulties.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Teach small kids the safety rules, and practice them with the "What if game"!</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<ul>
<li>If anyone (even someone you know and trust) tries to give you something, say "I have to ask first!" and RUN right away to the person who is taking care of you and ask if it is OK.</li>
<li>If anyone (Even someone you know and trust) wants you to go somewhere with them, say "I have to ask first!" and RUN right away to the person who is taking care of you, and ask if it is OK.</li>
<li>If anyone but the person taking care of you asks for your help, say "I have to ask first!" and RUN back to the person taking care of you, and ask if it's OK.</li>
<li>Anywhere your swimsuit covers is private, and nobody should touch you there unless you are hurt there or have a mess that you need help with. If an adult helps you, there should be another adult there too, and you should not have to keep it a secret.</li>
<li>ALL touch has to be OK with BOTH people. You can say "no". You don't need a reason. Other people can say "no" to touch from you, and you should listen to them.</li>
</ul>
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nothing we do can protect our children 100% from what is out
there, but these three steps are a very good start to reducing the effect of “grooming”
on your children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-16148554795610102552013-04-05T21:56:00.003-07:002013-04-05T21:59:02.794-07:00Custody Determinations are very importantWe have been very busy lately working with parents who are looking for children taken from them by other family members.<br />
<br />
We have been support left-behind parents with referrals to services, pathfinding, and emotional support. Sometimes, the left-behind parent has had to leave the home state of the child, leave the left-behind siblings in the care of friends and relatives, and take temporary leave from the job that supports the family in order to come to Minnesota and fight this battle.<br />
<br />
We urge all seperated, divorcing and single parents to establish clear custody determinations, have them on file with the court, and keep official copies in your possession. You may have an amicable agreement with the other parent, but the situation can change suddenly.<br />
<br />
Cases where a child is taken by a family member are much more easily resolved if you have a legal custody agreement or order on file. It is less traumatic for the child to have things resolved quickly, and it is less of a burdon on the left-behind parent and siblings if the matter can be resolved quickly and in an orderly legal proceeding.<br />
<br />
Under the <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=2&sqi=2&ved=0CEwQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ncjrs.gov%2Fpdffiles1%2Fojjdp%2F189181.pdf&ei=tqlfUfbbDoeErQG10IDACA&usg=AFQjCNEIoIN6jbSX1mKVRcndS9YLgygQRQ&sig2=jRgeBSO7HOmebNDZtmgxhw&bvm=bv.44770516,d.aWM" target="_blank">Uniform Child-Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act</a>, a custody determination in one state must be recognized by the courts in another state. This is to prevent "custody shopping". This is why it is so important to get the custody of a child on record in the state where the child is a resident.<br />
<br />
Even if there is no disagreement between the two parents, it is reassuring to the children to know that a plan is in place, and the parents have an agreement that they have promised to abide by.<br />
<br />
It is just a good idea over-all to settle these matters legally before any probelms arise.Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-52253208146151359592013-01-18T13:51:00.000-08:002013-01-18T13:51:08.917-08:00Being a "Trusted Adult"
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When we talk to parents and children about abduction,
runaway, and exploitation prevention, we stress the concept of a “trusted
adult”. Kids rely on trusted adults for advice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They need the guidance and judgment that adults are able to provide due
to their greater life experience and their position of power and influence in
the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Trusted adults engage with children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are people whose intentions and judgment
can be relied upon. Trusted adults know and understand their needs, and respond
to them appropriately.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s sometimes difficult to engage with children. The fact
is that they don’t always work to make it easy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But there are a few habits we can cultivate to help us
connect with our kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Increase the quality
of everyday interactions.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s easy to get into the habit of conversing with our kids
while also working, skimming the paper, or watching T.V. When your kids want to
talk to you, even for something small and unimportant, try to stop what you are
doing and make eye contact with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get
on their level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stand if they are
standing, sit if they are sitting. Make sure that you understand what they are
asking for, and why it is important to them. You might be able to help them
come up with even better ideas to reach their goals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you need to tell them something, get into the habit of
going to where they are, and telling them what you want directly. Avoid calling
out from the other room, or out the door. You don’t want to be a disembodied
voice just issuing orders.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Try to check in regularly with family traditions like the
sit-down dinner, family game night, or reading and discussing a popular novel
together.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Focus on solutions.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If a kid gets in trouble, they probably already understand
how they got there. They didn’t come to you to be yelled at, they came for help
fixing the problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking
responsibility and facing consequences is an important part of that, but in a
crisis, most people do better when the energy is focused on solutions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more constructive your responses are, the
more trust you will earn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the crisis is over, and the child is filled with relief
at having the crisis resolved, they will be more open to hearing advice about
how they can avoid such problems in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Increase the Quantity
of Everyday interactions.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you have a heavy workload, and tend to have long hours at
the office, try to save items that you can do at home until the end of the
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bring the work home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if you are not completely engaged with
your kids, your physical presence is an improvement over your physical absence.
You are more likely to have awareness of important information that would more
easily slip past you while you are working late at the office.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Use your technology. Text, engage your kids through social
media, send e-mail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leave notes and check
in periodically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your kids are more
likely to let you know where they are, who they are with, and what they are
doing if you show them the same courtesy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Know who their
friends are, and have them into your home.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Becoming a “destination house” is a great way to engage with
your kids. Providing and participating in wholesome and attractive activities,
keeping lots of snacks and making your home a welcoming, safe, supervised place
to go ensures that you will know what is going on in your kid’s lives, and will
be able to find more opportunities to engage with them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Know who your kid’s
other “Trusted Adults” are, and be sure to get to know them.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is a good thing to know the people that influence your
child’s decisions and outlook on life. Talking to your kids about who they
listen to, andabout what they value in their support network can tell you a lot
about their situation, both socially and personally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a great barometer of their values,
worries, and ambitions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you get to know their trusted adults (and their friends)
you will also have a better sense of who your allies are in helping your
child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They may have resources that you
can direct your child to that you yourself do not have. Making your child’s
social support system part of your toolkit gives you some options that you
might not have trying to “go it alone”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-78565477796564567222012-11-16T09:49:00.002-08:002012-11-16T09:49:24.719-08:00Raising Resilient Kids
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday we attended a webinar entitled:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“</span><a href="http://vimeo.com/53544513"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">Growing Up Strong:
Keeping Kids Safe and Resilient</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We learned that kids need us to engage with them, understand
their needs, and help them meet those needs in orderly and constructive ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can channel their efforts in ways that
decrease their vulnerability, and increase their resiliency.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We should reflect on the environment that we provide to our
kids. Does it meet their needs? Can we improve the resources that we provide,
and our habits about how we provide them?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The speaker talked about the three different imperatives in
a child’s developmental process and how we can recognize what needs our
children might be trying to fulfill through their behaviors and decisions:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Exploring imperative causes our kids to seek
out novelty, and engage in risk-taking and experimentation. This is also called
the “seeking system”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our kids feel naturally compelled to do these things, and if
we teach safe and appropriate ways; they will learn initiative, ambition,
goal-orientation, and how to make plans and act on them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We shouldn’t down these natural and important imperatives.
Instead, we should stay alert for opportunities to properly engage the urge to
explore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Enriched environments with
plenty of opportunity for safe and age-appropriate exploration, and rewarding
feedback are so important for properly directing these natural developmental
impulses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can you think of ways to provide these opportunities to the
kids in your life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day we have
opportunities to do so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, it is
easier and less complicated to say “no, you can’t do that” rather than ask
ourselves “what does my child want from this activity, and is there an
appropriate and interesting alternative?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Discovering imperative causes our kids to
use their resources to acquire the things (both tangible and intangible) that
they need and want from their environment. This is also called the “play system”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Again, our kids feel a natural impulse to do this, and if
they are encouraged and their activities are properly channeled they will learn
industry, creativity, follow through, planning, and persistence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes, when our kids are following their Discovering
imperative, it is easier and quicker to just do stuff for them, tell them to
wait to try to accomplish a task until we have more time or it is more
convenient, or to say the task is not worth doing rather than to provide
resources and guidance. Sometimes, when they fail, our first impulse is to
focus on the failure rather than on solutions. If they want something, it is
quicker and simpler to simply get it for them and provide it to them (or tell
them “no, you can’t have it” or brush them off with “if you want it, find a way
yourself”) rather than help them work out an appropriate plan and encourage
them as they work through the steps of the plan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A better approach is to stop and think about what they are
trying to accomplish, and engage with them as they explore constructive
solutions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Model problem-solving,
constructive responses to set-backs, show them that set-backs can be overcome,
and that flexibility, creativity, and persistence will lead to a rewarding
outcome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3)</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Engaging imperative causes our kids to want
to connect, contribute, and matter to their environment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They want to feel like they belong, and that
their presence and actions matter. It causes them to seek attention and
affirmation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is also called the “care”
system.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Properly channeled and supported, this imperative will
result in a strong sense of identity accomplishment, productivity, generosity,
and healthy involvement in community, family, and friendships.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is an area where the littlest things truly matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking a moment in the morning to stop
preparations for work for just a second to make eye contact and give a hug, ask
how your child is feeling about school that day, if they have everything they
need, offer a word of encouragement so they know that their efforts and
struggles are on your mind. This can can set the tone for your child’s day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Showing up at parent teacher conferences, proof-reading and
providing feedback on an assignment, attending their sports games or band
concerts, learning the names of their friends and their friends parents,
posting a proud status update about their accomplishments on Facebook; all of
these demonstrate their importance to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is also important to give them opportunities to
contribute. Give them tasks to contribute to the family or community, ask for
their advice or input on appropriate topics (allow them to engage with you as
you explore solutions your problems – just as you do to help them), delegate
responsibility to them, and then tell them how their help made your life easier
or improved your performance. Contributing will help them build a sense that
they matter, their actions mean something, and they have an important place in
the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why is understanding
these imperatives and their influence on our children’s decision-making and
behavior important to their safety?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We can’t be with our kids all the time, and we can’t protect
them 100%.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even the children of the best
and most attentive parents living in the most safe and secure neighborhoods
with the finest most positive school environments, cannot be certain of 100%
safety from bullying, grooming by a predator, luring, abduction, depression,
running away, substance abuse, or other dangers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The more resiliency that our children develop, the more likely
they will be to recover from difficulties, set-backs, and traumas that they may
experience despite our best efforts to keep them safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also in part, because the skills and competencies that we
work to develop in our kids make them somewhat more resistant to these dangers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we give our
children healthy alternatives to exercise their urges for novelty-seeking,
risk-taking and experimentation, they are less vulnerable to the more harmful,
less appropriate avenues provided by youth culture.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If they are channeling their urge to acquire and build in
healthy and positive ways, and know that they can trust us to be present to
help them overcome obstacles, they are less vulnerable to the damaging
short-cuts that none of us want for our kids. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If they know they matter, that their presence in our family,
community and friendships are important and valued, they are less likely to
seek that sense of importance from people who will misuse it to manipulate and
harm them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We say LESS vulnerable because even kids with the best
parents and support systems can be vulnerable. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We can give our kids the best chance they can have to get
beyond whatever circumstances arise in their lives. Our kids, families, and
communities can be empowered to prevent harm to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in the cases where prevention is not
enough, we can be empowered to help the survivors recover and thrive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You are not alone in this task.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Missing Children Minnesota offers educational
programs for children of all ages, parents, and education and childcare
professionals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can help you educate
your children and/or the children you serve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Call (612) 334-9449 to engage our help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">As an activity to demonstrate
what we are talking about in this blog entry:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have taken a partial list of “lures”, or ways that
predators get kids to leave their safety zone, from our AMECO sister organization</span><a href="http://heidisearchcenter.com/about-lures-why-they-work/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">, Heidi Search
Center</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you look over the list, think
about the developmental imperative that is being exploited in each of these
lures. Children who are having their developmental needs fulfilled and properly
challenged, and are educated about safety, are less vulnerable to these lures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">AFFECTION: Predators
target lonely, self-conscious or unhappy children. If he can make your child
feel important and loved, your child is more likely to go with him and keep secrets
for fear of losing love and companionship.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">ASSISTANCE: Predators
know that children are willing to help others and use this for their advantage.
They will often ask for help in locating a lost pet, finding directions or
carrying something to their vehicle.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">AUTHORITY: Children are
very trusting of people in uniforms. They need to be taught that a uniform does
NOT always make the person a police officer, fire fighter etc. They have the
right to ask for proper identification or to ask another adult they know and
trust for help.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">COMPUTERS: Predators are
using the Internet to meet children. They are able to lie about themselves in
order to win a child’s confidence. If they can get your child to give them
their real name, address or phone number, the predator will have a map to your
front door. Monitor your child’s internet usage. Take advantage of available parental
controls. Even monitor teenagers, they are just as likely to fall for the
internet lure.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">DRUGS: Predators use
drugs and alcohol to attract children and weaken their resistance. This makes
them vulnerable to molestation or attack.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">EMERGENCY: This lure is
designed to prey on your child’s emotions. The predator may tell your child you
have been in an accident and are hurt. By doing this, the child becomes
concerned for your safety and will let his/her guard down making them available
to the predator.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">GAMES: Games can be used
to build your child’s confidence, gain their trust or make contact with the
child. Video arcades and even games in your home provide contact.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">GLAMOUR: Ego building is
very effective. A beauty contest, talent show or photo shoot can provide an
opportunity for a predator to make contact with your child.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">COSTUMES: A super hero or
clown costume may be all it takes for a predator to get close to your child.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">INJURY: A fake injury can
be used to gain your child’s sympathy and draw them close to the predator.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">BRIBERY: Money or gifts
are often used to buy a child’s trust or confidence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">JOB: A job offer should
be carefully checked out before accepted. Talk to the person who wants to give
them a job. Babysitting is no exception. Check carefully before putting your
child in a potentially dangerous situation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">PORNOGRAPHY: Children are
curious about sex. Talk with them openly about it. Otherwise a predator can use
this curiosity as a means to expose children to sexual acts for the purpose of
videos or photographs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 7.5pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">THREATS: When all else
fails, a predator will threaten a child with violence against their family or pets.
This is done to gain control and silence a child or get the child to leave with
them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background: white; line-height: 15pt; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="color: #333333; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">ICE CREAM VENDORS:
Accompany your child to the ice cream truck. This lure has been successfully
used to abduct children.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-70995335213652790462012-10-17T07:36:00.003-07:002012-10-17T13:08:25.423-07:00Question #3: "Why is Anti-Bullying Such a Political Football?"<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">October is national Bulling Awareness Month. To mark the
occasion, we are preparing some answers to Frequently Asked Questions
surrounding the issue of bullying. If you have a question that you would like
us to answer, you can message us on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We can’t answer every question individually, but we can try to get the
“gist” of all of the questions and address the issues raised. If you missed the
first two entries in the series, the links for them are right here:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><a href="http://missingchildrenminnesota.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-is-bullying-such-big-deal-all-of.html" target="_blank">Question One: Why is bullying such a big deal "all of a sudden?"</a></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><a href="http://missingchildrenminnesota.blogspot.com/2012/10/question-2-why-is-it-schools-job-to.html" target="_blank">Question Two: Why is it the school's job to address bullying?"</a></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Q3 :</span></o:p><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why is Anti-bullying
Such a Political Football?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As a social strategy that depends on physical or social
strength, there has always been the potential for bullying to have political
over-tones. The targets of bullying are chosen because the bully believes that
they are acceptable targets for unacceptable treatment. While some bullying happens
because the bully has a personal problem with a single individual and justifies their treatment of their victim on those grounds, there is
another dynamic where groups of people become viewed as fair game for anybody
to mistreat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a local areas, children of racial, cultural, religious,
economic, social status or sexual minorities can be at higher risk for bullying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the children in a neighborhood see that
authority figures take an attitude that certain groups are undesirable or
suspect, they are more likely to choose them as targets of bullying, less
likely to become part of the support network for the victims, and the victims
are more likely to internalize the message that they “deserve” this treatment
and be unprepared to stand up for themselves.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anti-bullying programs that include the message that it is unacceptable to
bully someone because they belong to a disadvantaged minority are sometimes
accused of being part of a political agenda or strategy, because this issue intersects with other social justice issues. Thus, political activists on both sides of the social issues are compelled to become involved in the discussion.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However, no anti-bullying educational program can be
effective unless it includes material that makes it clear that it is
unacceptable to bully anyone. If there are groups of people that are implicitly
viewed as acceptable targets for mistreatment, an anti-bullying program must
explicitly state that they are not acceptable targets for mistreatment in order
to be effective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Additionally, official
policy and implementation of policy must be in line with that message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without these actions, an acceptable class of
victims and a climate of “open season” can result.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The experience of Jamie Nabozny illustrates this phenomenon
very clearly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/EUOGtt1QEro?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p></o:p> </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The right to believe whatever you believe, and speak to
defend those beliefs, is very important. It is fundamental to all other rights. The right of human beings to
be safe from malicious harm is also very important and fundamental to all other rights. If you can't be secure in your person, you can't be secure in anything else.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The job for us as parents, educators, and peers
of those affected by bullying is to understand, teach, and strive to model
behavior that makes it clear: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you do no
honor to your beliefs when you harm another person in their name, and that we
do not believe that any sort of violence, harassment, or defamation is supported
by appeals to belief or opinion.</span>Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-24222947821132954462012-10-10T09:15:00.001-07:002012-10-10T12:36:59.211-07:00Question #2: "Why is it the School's Job to Worry About Bullying?"<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">October is national Bulling Awareness Month. To mark the
occasion, we are preparing some answers to Frequently Asked Questions
surrounding the issue of bullying. If you have a question that you would like
us to answer, you can message us on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We can’t answer every question individually, but we can try to get the
“gist” of all of the questions and address the issues raised.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why is it the school’s job to worry about
bullying?”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being in an unsafe environment affects the quality of
learning for everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if your child
is not being bullied, the abusive environment caused by bullying is distracting and stressful for everyone.
Teacher time and school resources are expended trying to resolve conflicts,
rather than teaching. Even if your child is “not one of those kids”, you should
be aware that bullying behavior affects his or her learning environment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kids that are subjected to bullying in school sometimes also
suffer from difficulties outside of the school environment (a disordered home environment,
neighborhood violence or crime, etc.) that can make them more vulnerable to
abuse from their peers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For these students, it is absolutely critical for schools to be a
safe place to learn and improve themselves. The National Survey of
Children’s Exposure to Violence (</span><a href="https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/235504.pdf"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/235504.pdf</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">) by</span> the Office of Juvenile
Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) shows that children who are exposed
to violence in multiple areas of their lives are at greater risk for many
problems in every area of life. They can develop very serious health, legal,
emotional, and academic issues that challenge their ability to be independent
and productive individuals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However, if there is even one place where a child who is
experiencing difficulties in every other area of life can abandon their
hyper-vigilance, relax, recharge, and focus on visualizing, planning, and
pursuing a fulfilling future, their risk of adverse outcomes is reduced.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Schools are obligated
to provide a safe and secure learning environment for all students, and the
infrastructure is already in place for the delivery of many services and
supports for this purpose. Effective anti-bullying policies and procedures that
protect all students are just another part of what is already a core mission
for our schools.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">However, one clear difficulty is that bullying
behavior does not happen exclusively within the school’s preview. Bullying
tends to follow students back and forth from the school to off-hours
activity, and back again through use of the personal cell phones and computers.
The schools have limited authority to deal with these activities when the
fall-out occurs off-campus. But with the cooperation of parents, students,
communities and schools, progress is being made every day in individual
districts across the country. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are some things
that schools can do in order to address bullying?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have a strong, effective, authentic,
anti-bullying policy for in-school behavior. “Zero Tolerance” has become an
unpopular phrase. We have all seen highly publicized cases of policies that
are designed with inflexible, severe, excessive, “one-size-fits-all”
punishments. This application of policy takes away any discretion on the part
of the staff to tailor the consequences to the behavior, help resolve
conflicts, and provide resources for students who need help or support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> These policies are not only ineffective, but they cause parents, students and the community to view the issue of bullying as a joke, and an issue that is best ignored.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Zero Tolerance” should instead be understood to mean that EVERY
reported incident will be dealt with in an appropriate way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It should mean that every case of bullying
that is brought to the attention of the administration will be recorded, taken
seriously, appropriately addressed, and resolutions recorded. Consequences should be tied to, and appropriate for the infraction. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have a clear policy about the appropriate use of
electronic devices on the school grounds or school-sponsored events, and enforce
that policy consistently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This policy
should be reviewed and updated as needed to respond to new technologies, and
new trends in usage.<u><span style="color: blue; mso-themecolor: hyperlink;"><o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">Invite
the public, including students and parents, to be part of the discussion about
bullying and create a response to bullying that is supported by the community
(and enlist the prevention education programs provided by organizations such as
Missing Children Minnesota, or our AMECO partners at the Jacob Wetterling
Resource Center).</span><u><span style="color: blue; mso-themecolor: hyperlink;"><o:p></o:p></span></u></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Train students, faculty, staff and parents for
in-school prevention models such as the peer-support model (where students are
educated to act as bystanders and witnesses to support the victims of bullying,
to report bullying activity, and/or to send a message of non-acceptance of the
bullying behavior).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Provide training and resources for conflict
resolution, and refer children and parents to resources that can help them cope
with the stressors that may contribute to the bullying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ultimately, the people who have the
most impact on student behavior are peers and parents.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Parents can model respectful behavior
toward all people at home, and teach their children (by example, and as part of an ongoing dialogue) that while they might not
like someone’s personality, actions, beliefs, or habits, they are expected to
treat every person with respect, dignity, and fairness.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Students can affect their environment
by not accepting or excusing bullying behavior in their friends, by reaching
out for help to appropriately resolve conflicts before the situation escalates, participating in anti-bullying programs or efforts in their school
or community, and by reaching out to the victims of bullying to offer support.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can call Missing Children
Minnesota to bring our prevention education programs to the children in your
life by calling (612) 334-9449.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-885981301514835981.post-43478179332589035462012-10-01T08:03:00.001-07:002012-10-01T08:03:51.337-07:00Why is Bullying Such A Big Deal "All of a Sudden"?
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">October is national Bully Awareness Month. To mark the
occasion, we are preparing some answers to Frequently Asked Questions
surrounding the issue of bullying. If you have a question that you would like
us to answer, you can message us on Facebook, or leave a question in the comments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We can’t answer every question individually, but we can try to get the
“gist” of all of the questions and address the issues raised.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Question One:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is Bullying Such a Big Deal “All of a
Sudden”?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When bullying is brought up in conversation, a common
sentiment is:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“kids will be kids”. We
hear people express this as part of a view that bullying is a normal, healthy
“rite of passage” that prepares our kids for the
difficulties of an adult world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Another is: “That has nothing to do with my kids.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If someone’s kids don’t bully, and are not
bullied, they don’t have to think about it. They forget that an unsafe or
disruptive environment affects their children, even if they are not the
perpetrators or victims of bullying. They overlook the fact that bystanders and
witnesses participate by providing an audience and tacit support for the
bullies if they do not take an active role in stopping it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Another common sentiment is: “kids are so cruel”, said with
a headshake and a helpless shrug. It implies an acceptance that bullying is an
unfortunate, but unavoidable reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For most of us as children, this was the reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some kids just got picked on and
tortured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they could change their
appearance, behavior or find some other way to avoid it, they might be able to
put a stop to the bullying, but otherwise, they just had to outlast it, and wait
until the bullies gave up or grew up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We accepted treatment for our children that we would never
accept for adults. Some behaviors that are dismissed as “bullying” in our
schools would result in criminal charges, or a civil suit if committed in our
adult workplaces.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately, the times we are living in make it necessary
for us to deal with this increasingly difficult and destructive problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For one thing, the social dynamic that used
to be limited to just a school, sports team or scout troop environment has
become a 24-hour crowd-sourced phenomenon that follows our kids everywhere
there is a peer with a cell phone or a computer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When bullying goes online, the bullying persists even after
those who instigate it stop their behavior. The images and “memes” (online
jokes, sayings, images or other content that are passed “virally” from person
to person on the internet) live on forever. There IS no “outlasting” it. The
bullies may move on, but the content they put on the internet is there forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Further, a compromising image, personal information about
the bullied person such as their home address or phone number, or other identifiable
information revealed by others in the process of bullying online can actually
endanger our kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having this information
distributed on line, or through cell phones, exposes the bullied kids to
predators at the same time that it causes depression, insecurity, helplessness,
and a desire to flee their circumstances. These feelings can add to their
vulnerability.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Exposure to bullying increases the risk of suicide, running
away, victimization by predators who are on the lookout for kids in despair,
poor academic performance, substance abuse, violence against the victim, as
well as violent acting out from the victim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pranks involved in bullying can result in the bullies, their victims, or
both, becoming involved with the criminal justice system when pranks or
retaliation get out of hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The stakes have always been high in bullying, but the
ability of bullies to “mass produce” abuse through new technology has increased
the risk of the worst outcomes for our children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bullying has always been a problem, but the problem is
reaching critical importance for our schools, our communities, and for all of
our kids. We need to teach our children to recognize the signs of bullying,
help them develop skills for dealing with bullying, to avoid bullying behavior,
and empower children who are by-standers to bullying to step up and speak out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Missing Children Minnesota has programs to help children make safe choices, as well as a program for internet ettiquette and safety. Call (612) 334-9449 today to find out how to bring these programs to the children in your community.</span></div>
Missing Children Minnesotahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11213691340906149538noreply@blogger.com0