Too often, when news of a missing child comes across the
wire, we hear people say things like “Oh, she ‘just’ ran away” or “He’s
fine. His mother took him, how bad can
it be if he’s with his mother?”
It is important to get past this idea as a society that
there are different “classes” of missing. Yes, different circumstances require
different search and recovery efforts, but there should not be a sense that
certain kinds of missing do not count, or are not important.
Some things for you to think about regarding run-aways, and
abductions by a family member (sometimes referred to as “family abductions”).
In a “family abduction”
·
A child’s sense of safety, well-being, as well
as mental and emotional health is violated when they are taken without warning
and kept away from their custodial care-giver, their home, their friends, and
their normal routine. Even when they are
returned in good health and uninjured, they are at risk to experience anxiety,
depression, and other psychological problems.
·
Many children in family abductions have been
told that the left-behind parent gave them away, is very angry with them,
doesn’t love them anymore, or was killed. Some have been given disturbing and
terrifying descriptions of the death of the left-behind parent.
·
Often, children abducted by family members have
had their entire identity erased, had to give up favorite activities that they
found comforting, and had to go by a different name. They are robbed of the
right to their own sense of self.
·
Some children abducted by family members have
been kept out of school, and not allowed normal social interaction, education,
or medical care because of the risk that they will be recognized.
·
Children abducted by family members are often
neglected or abused as the abducting parent fails to cope with the stresses of
single parent-hood on the run…or when they are left in the care of others while
the parent is distracted by the difficulties of a disrupted life.
·
It is not unusual for the abducting parent to
take the child as a way of continuing a cycle of abuse of the custodial
parent. The child becomes an object used
to torture the other parent. This is very damaging.
In the case of “runaways”
·
Not all cases categorized as “runaways” are
actually run-aways. Just because they
are a teenager with problems, it does not mean that they are missing because
they ran away.
·
A child might initially have run-away, but once
they leave their zone of safety, they are at risk for a subsequent abduction.
·
Most runaways will be approached by a predator
or a trafficker within 48 hours of leaving their zone of safety.
·
Runaways are sometimes running from real danger
in their lives. Just because they have
run away from their support system, this does not mean that the danger cannot
follow them and find them, it just means that they are cut off from help.
One of the things that we do at Missing Children Minnesota,
is take call after call from people looking for their missing children who have
been told by every person they have asked for help that there is nothing that
can be done to look for their missing child. They’re told that when the
non-custodial parent kidnaps their child, it is a “custody battle”, not a
kidnapping. They’re told there is a waiting period.
Sometimes, as many as a half a dozen people in a month call
us about their missing children. We are the first people to tell them their
rights, refer them to resources, give them the language that lets them engage
the system to work on their behalf. We are the first to provide real solutions
and tools rather than give them the
brush-off because their cases are not recognized as missing children and
abduction cases.
This needs to change, and the only way to change it is to
increase public awareness of the problem, and public pressure for proper
training and response of our system to uphold our laws and meet the needs of
the missing and their families.
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